April 25, 2013

5 People To Avoid While Pregnant


Now that I am expecting my second daughter this August, I seemed to have conveniently forgot about the little annoyances of being pregnant. Aside from your usual’s, ie: morning sickness, prenatal horse pills, snoring and frequent peeing, I seemed to have blocked out all the crazy encounters that occur while preggo. Yes, I am talking about the complete strangers (and sometimes not) that go out of their way to make you feel uncomfortable, awkward and want to run for the hills.

You might think this is my negative “I hate people” attitude, because most of the times, these people don’t even realize what they are saying or doing and think its totally normal behavior. And yes, I am sure their actions are meant with the most sincerity, but to a tired, gaining-weight-by-the-minute, swollen-ankled pregnant woman, it’s the absolute worst.

Now, with my first daughter, no one really warned me about these kind of encounters so I had to fend for myself.

I know better now.

5 People To Avoid While Pregnant

The Groper

This is the one I loath most. The Groper, like many touchy-feely people have no boundaries. They tend to spot you from a mile away and zone in right on your giant belly. Their hands are like a tracker beams aimed directly at your unborn child. Your belly will get rubbed and patted. They will use the double hand grab, the double hand rub and chances are you may even get felt up. Especially if they keep eye contact with you, they may “accidentally” cop a feelsky. I unfortunately know this from experience. I will never forget the crazy old lady that day at Hallmark.

Now, if you ask first, chances are I will let you touch my big fat belly but by no means does me being pregnant give complete strangers the right to grope.

The Reminiscer

Ahh, The Reminiscer. They are the sweetest ones of the bunch. They like to take you back…back to the day when they first found out they were pregnant – whether it be 3 years ago or 37 years ago. Then through their first bout with morning sickness, then their baby shower…in full detail. Don’t even try to interrupt them either because they will shoot you down and continue with their timeline of events for all 3 of their pregnancies. In.Full.Detail. Bless their hearts, you just have to sit there, smile, nod and throw an “Awe” or “So sweet” in when appropriate. Gotta love them.

The Know-it-all

These are the ones you kinda want to punch in the face just to shut them up (I swear, I don’t have anger issues). They will swear up and down, left and right that you are having the opposite of what you say you are just because of the way you are carrying or how your face looks. I have encountered many Know-it-all’s, all telling me I’m having a boy even though I have the proof that it’s a girl. Oh, and they love to tell me that my doctors are wrong and they KNOW their prediction is right, since they predicted others in the past. News flash: you have a 50/50 chance of being right…but your WRONG! Sorry.

The TMI’er

My mother was the only one who warned me about the TMI-er’s. But even knowing when to spot one ahead of time won’t help you or stop them from spewing their guts about their own pregnancies. They like to tell you every gory detail of each trimester, every bad thing that happened during said trimesters and most importantly, their horrific delivery story. Delivery stories should be as vague as possible UNLESS the pregnant woman asks specifically to hear all the details. If there is no initial go-ahead, then you need to stop. The last thing a first time mom needs to hear is how you were in labor for 48 hours, screaming, in pain and pushing a 10 lb baby out of your hoo-ha with no epidural. It will scare the shit out of her and make her even more anxiety ridden about her own upcoming delivery. I will say this, since it is my second pregnancy I have yet to encounter The TMI’er. They seem to only prey on first time preggos.

The Creepy Gawker

I don’t know what’s worse – the first 4, overly friendly individuals on this list or the silent stalker – The Creepy Gawker. All pregnant women know they will get stares here and there. It’s like we are freaks of nature that need to be studied by the human race. But The Creepy Gawker will watch your every move, in silence. They may or may not be in close proximity to you, which makes things even weirder. It’s bad enough that you feel like the whole world is watching you gain weight in all the places you never thought you would, but having complete strangers stare at you from near and far just gives me the willies. You can shoot them a dirty, ‘WTF are you looking at’, look, but they will most likely be smiling at you like a goof ball. Yeah, that doesn’t make it any better people. Smiling stupidly while staring at me from a distance doesn’t make me feel a goddess….it makes me feel like a gorilla at the zoo.

Again, I know these people probably don’t realize the harm they are doing but my fellow preggos beware. They will find you, they will grope you and they will scare the crap out of you.


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