July 2, 2013

Why Being Pregnant Sucks


It’s no secret on how I feel about being pregnant. I will tell anyone and everyone who asks that it just plain out sucks. The outcome is the absolute best thing in the world but the 9 1/2 months leading up to that moment is just….rough.

I know there are many out there that just don’t see it the way I do, some might agree but just don’t want to admit it because they feel like they will be looked at as a terrible person, and there are a few that whole-heartedly agree. I don’t think feeling this way makes me a terrible person or a bad mother, I’m just being honest. It SUCKS!

So why does it suck you may be wondering. I bet you think I’m just going to complain about being tired or morning sickness. Nah, everyone hates that. There are other aspects of my pregnancies that are hard for me to handle and I’m not afraid to admit them!

Reason #1 – Major Case of the Uglies…All.The.Time.

As much as I’ve tried to find clothes – maternity or not – to flatter my ever expanding bod, you just feel less than cute. I know a lot of people love the way their bump looks, and sometimes I do…but other times I just feel like a bloated, hot mess. Looking in the mirror I can see my face expanding along with my giant ass. I envy those women who barely gain an ounce of weight while I fall in the category of ogre.

Reason #2 – I can’t eat THAT either?!

We all know the typical foods and beverages that all pregnant women should stay away from – alcohol, caffeine, raw fish – but cmon! Cold Cuts, hot dogs, soft CHEESE?! Now you are cutting me to the bone. I love cheese, all kinds of cheese, especially soft cheeses. And do you know how hard it is to order a chicken salad sub at Publix when all I want is a freakin’ turkey and cheese?! Ugh. I know, I can eat it if it’s heated up, but I like my subs and my cheeses cold – it’s just not the same. Even though I don’t eat hot dogs on the regular, when I am watching back-to-back episodes of Diner, Drive In’s & Dives and Guy keeps hitting spots that make those decadent pork delights, when you’re pregnant, you want one. Right then and there! I could totally go for a chili cheese dog right now btw, just sayin’.

Reason #3 – Sweating like a pig on the regular.

Never get pregnant during the summer time! You are hot and sweaty as it is, adding in 100 degree weather along with humidity is absolute torture. If you are not in a pool or in the AC, you are pretty much screwed.

Reason #4 – Bloody Noses

Uh, since when is this a freaking symptom of pregnancy!?? With my first, I was absolutely miserable with morning sickness and swollen feet, this time around freakin’ bloody noses almost every other day! I will admit as I am nearing the end, they have gotten better, but damn, it was bad!

Reason #5 – Snoring like a lumberjack.

You’d think I wouldn’t know I snore and that this would really only bother my husband, which it 100% does, but I wake myself up from snoring so bad. It’s not even normal snoring, it sounds like someone is choking me and that I am struggling for breath. I hear it in my dreams and it wakes me up. Bad enough every time I wake I have to get out of bed to pee, but seriously, I need all the sleep I can get and this snoring totally ruins it. Even if it doesn’t wake me up, you still don’t get a great sleep with a night of snoring. The absolute worst.

Reason #6 – Pelvic pain to the nth degree.

This is one of the worst things about being pregnant and absolutely deserves a spot on this list. Pelvic pain is probably the most painful thing EVER! With my first I literally thought my lady parts were going crack and shatter to a million pieces. I know our bodies are widening and making room for the baby to pop out but I can’t even begin to describe the pain or the feeling, but if you have ever had it, you know what I’m talking about. I had to get a special belt to wear to hold my hips in, try sleeping comfortably in that thing!

Reason #7 – All the damn doctor appointments.

It’s pretty annoying. Every month I have to go to a high-risk doctor to check on the baby, then my OB every 2 weeks and to my endocrinologist every couple months. So basically I have about 3-4 doctor appointments a month, for 10 months. 2 hours out of my day for each appointment, give or take a half hour. Yeah, yeah-I know its for the good of the baby, but it’s just annoying! Don’t even get me started on the labs-I think they have taken at least 30 viles of blood from me since I found out I was pregnant. They know me by name at Quest. I will say, the only plus about all these damn doc appointments is I get a to see the baby every month and get some good ultrasound shots.

Reason #8 – Belly button weirdness

It’s bad enough our bodies get distorted, bloated, cellulite-y and stretched to the limit, our cute little belly buttons get pushed to its extreme. Not only does it hurt when touched or when my clothes rub against it, but it just get ugly looking. Now, I have seen some really bad pushed out belly buttons – like my poor sister. She has an outtie and that thing stuck out like 3 inches with all her pregnancies. It was weird, unnatural and that thing could hurt someone! And after having babies I totally regret getting mine pierced back when I was 18. It makes my stomach look that much worse and gave me stretch marks! If only I could get in my Delorian and go back in time that one day in Daytona Beach when that immature teen was getting pierced and show her what it looks like now.

Reason #9 – Hemmroids & Constipation

‘Nuff said right? :-I

And Reason #10…the most important one… NO ALCOHOL! :(

Yes, this is a major reason why it sucks. I can’t enjoy a delicious extra-dirty vodka martini or a bottle of vino (yes, a bottle!). My husband and I are drinking buddies and it sucks to sit there sipping on a lame ass “mocktail” of cranberry juice and seltzer while your hubby unwinds with mixed drink of delicious vodka and bubbly club soda with a twist of lime and lemon. Mmmmm. Even though our dinners out are a hell of a lot cheaper now that I am not partaking in the fun but damn do I miss it! My tolerance may be at an all time low after the baby but holy crap will it be nice to have a Happy Hour at the end of August. Who’s in???!

So those are my top 10 reasons why being preggo sucks. There is more..lots more, but I thought I’d spare you all. You’re welcome.


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